One of the most humbling experiences in internet marketing is getting feedback on your first sales page. In 2009, I posted my sales letter for Niche AdSense Themes on the Warrior Forum and Digital Point Forums and asked for honest criticism. The internet delivered. One commenter described my headline as a “confusing wreck.” A friend made fun of my graphics. Multiple times.
It was brutal, it was educational, and the process of taking that feedback and improving the page taught me more about sales letter copywriting than any course I had taken.
What I Learned From Public Feedback
The original sales page for my WordPress theme product was converting targeted email list traffic at 3.5 percent when I expected 5 percent or more. Less targeted blog traffic was converting below 1 percent. Something was clearly wrong with the page, not the product.
I did something that most people are too proud to do: I asked strangers on the internet to tear it apart. Here is what they found.
The headline was doing too much. I was trying to cram every benefit into one sentence. The feedback I got included specific alternative headlines that were dramatically better. A good headline makes one clear promise. Mine was making six vague ones.
The copy needed to breathe. My paragraphs were dense walls of text. A Warrior Forum member actually rewrote a section to show me what properly spaced, scannable copy looked like. The difference was immediate and obvious.
The design undermined the product. I was selling WordPress themes, visual products, on a page that looked unprofessional. A Digital Point commenter pointed out the obvious irony. If you are selling design, your sales page had better look like you understand design. This applies to any product: your sales page should embody the quality of what you are selling.
The Feedback Loop That Still Works
After implementing the changes, conversions went up considerably. The process I stumbled through in 2009, gathering feedback, revising, and testing, is essentially the conversion rate optimization process that entire agencies are built around today.
Here is the modern version of what I did by accident.
Get outside perspectives before launch. You are too close to your own product to evaluate your sales copy objectively. Show it to people in your target market. Show it to other marketers. Listen to what confuses them, bores them, or fails to convince them.
Test systematically. In 2009, I planned to write about split testing the following week. Today, tools like Google Optimize alternatives, VWO, and Convert make A/B testing accessible to anyone. Test headlines first, as they have the biggest impact on conversion rates. Then test your call to action. Then test your page layout.
Separate ego from copy. The hardest lesson I learned was not to take feedback on my sales copy personally. The copy is not you. It is a tool designed to accomplish a specific job. If it is not doing that job, it needs to be fixed, not defended.
Sales Page Fundamentals That Have Not Changed
The platforms have changed since 2009. Nobody is selling WordPress themes through ClickBank anymore. But the anatomy of an effective sales page remains remarkably consistent.
A clear, benefit-driven headline. What transformation does the buyer get? Say it in one sentence.
Social proof. Testimonials, case studies, user counts, anything that demonstrates other people have gotten results.
Objection handling. Address the reasons someone might not buy, directly in the copy, before the prospect has to voice them.
A clear call to action. Tell people exactly what to do next and make it easy to do it.
Professional design. Your page needs to look as good as or better than the product you are selling. In 2026, there is no excuse for ugly sales pages when tools like Webflow, Framer, and dozens of landing page builders exist.
My first sales letter was terrible. The willingness to hear that, accept it, and fix it was one of the most important turning points in my marketing education. If you have a sales page that is underperforming, the fix starts with honest feedback and the humility to act on it.
Definitely looks better man, I like it a lot. The pre-head text should probably be a little smaller, it looks sloppy. The headline is better, should definitely help out, the sub head is cheesy lol, but if it work then go for it.
I would definitely continue to test the headline, maybe the subhead…as those two will give you the most increase ( or decrease) in conversions. Don’t test them at the same time, maybe create a few more pages or get a script that can run the split tests for you.
But, I agree, the original graphics looked maaaaaaad preschool. Now you look like you at least in middle or highschool 🙂
Especially for selling templates. Good job man.
Damn dude that looks great!! Did you do the header graphics and such? Much much improved. Now the page reflects what an awesome product it is.
Joe
A definite improvement Mark. The new version is cleaner and more professional. I can see why it is converting better.
I also like the length – some sales letters are way too long. Yours is a good length with plenty of good information to show what the themes are like, but not overdone.
Nicely done, Mark. Though I’ve purchased things with not-so-good layouts, I’ve always been a strong believer in looks that sell.
@Normal Joe — Thanks man. Means a lot coming from a real copy writer. I wish I was going with you to see Sugarman. Hope you will blog about that trip. Splits are in progress. More on that next week.
@Mark — thank you. It sure helped the conversions.
@Joe — LOL. Glad you like it. No, I did not do the graphics. I use Steve at GraphicsQuick.com.
Morning dude, have you submitted this sales letter critique in michale fortins copywriting forum. Sorry I dont have a link, but I do know he has a forum. you might consider that
I prefer the old sales page. It is more low key, which appeals to me (obviously, as I purchased from the old sales page). The new headline seems insincere to me, especially the “Warning”
Having said that – if it is converting better for you Mark then obviously it is a better sales page! Congrats and thanks for sharing your experience.
fyi, when writing a salesletter, price has nothing to do with the length. When you understand that copywriting is really just your virtual salesman, you wouldn’t want to send out someone representing you and they just cut to the chase without explaining themselves.
There is no need to debate the length though, long sales letters constantly outpull short ones, many people say “i don’t like to read long salesletters” but the thing is, most people don’t like to read BORING long salesletters.
When writing, just remember your letter should be long enough to get your message across, and address any objections a person may have, how long or short really depends on when you get done talking.
If you think about it in the sense of price, you’ll always undershoot your potential, think of everything you sale as being high priced, and watch how good your copy will become.
You’ll give more reasons why a person should buy it, and you’ll address any and every objection you can think of. All you have to make the sell is your words, it’s just like a conversation, when you’re done, stop talking lol
People read long sales letters all the time, when they are written well and keep the person hooked, problem is, not very many folks are good at writing long…they just do it because they feel they need to…so it turns into nothing more than a rambling session….hmmm….kinda like this comment.
IM OUT! lol
hope I made sense to you though man, seriously.
peace
Hey Mark,
Pros:
I definitely like the new sales letter letter. The header and footer graphics are 10 times better and really make it look more professional. I especially like the new graphics for your money back guarantee. I also like the length of your sales letter. I can’t stand reading these 30 page sales letters, in fact I don’t and I imagine most people don’t. I skim them. So the more sub-headlines throughout to break things up and grab my attention the better.
Cons:
Now, I’m no copywriter so take this with a grain of salt but I like the headline from the old sales letter better. But you testing will tell you which one converts the best.
Mark, my review of both sales letters comes from the eyes of a prospective buyer and not a copywriter, so what do I know. It’s all about what converts the best for you.
Nicely done Mark.
Later,
Jeff Sargent
I have to say that the second re-write flows much better than the first one.
Copywriting is a difficult thing to get a definite handle on. I don’t know why because it comes as second nature to me.
When I do copy for a sales letter, I don’t do the graphics, I leave that up to the end user, however I think the thing that makes or breaks a sales letter is the headline and first paragraph.
You have to remember the AIDA concept, meaning if you don’t grab the prospect in the first 10 to 20 seconds, they move on. So with that being said, Test, Test and Test again.
Make subtle changes to test, don’t change too many things at once, use your control copy as a standard and if you beat that, use the new copy. Always trying to improve on conversion rates.
One other thing I would say, write the copy as if you are sitting in a bar talking to a friend over a beer. Don’t hard sell, let the copy or the products speak for themselves.
One last thing to remember, You can not please everyone all the time, if you try, you will definitely fail, Some like hard sell, some like soft sell so trying to find a middle point is the actual art of writing good copy.
Hope my 2 cents helps.
Scott
PS, remember that everyone has a different point of view and you can not take criticism to heart, if you do, it will cause internet marketing to lose “being fun”!
@Steve — Thanks. I personally think the sales letter length should somehow be related to the price of the product in many cases. I don’t need 3000 lines of copy to sell a $27 product, but I might need that or more to sell a $497 product.
@Barbra — Appreciate that feedback. It is meant to be humorous, but I certainly see what you mean. I will be talking about How to do split testing next week, and then in about a month or so I will talk about the results.
@Jeff. Thanks. Glad you like the graphics. I’m no copywriter either (obviously), and I appreciate the feedback.
Mark: You still need to work on your headline(s), in my opinion.
Right now I see at least six headlines, all saying pretty much the same thing (except for that rather silly – sorry, but that’s the way it seems to me – quip about the new bookkeeper).
I mean, how many times can you repeat the same words and phrases – “niche AdSense themes for WordPress” or variations of it – and not cause your readers’ eyes to glaze over? That’s way too much stuff and way too much repetition.
Get out of your computer chair, step back a bit and look at your screen. Everything above the fold is all headlines and it is a cluttered mess. The eye doesn’t know where to start or where to go. Make it easy on your reader. The job of a headline is to grab him by the heart and jerk him into your sales copy, and not to bore him to death with some sort of mantra repeated over and over.
So … think the 3 Esses: Simplify, Streamline and make it Sing. I suggest you:
** Get rid of the lines that begin “Premium Grade” and “Professionally designed” as well as the line that begins “Ready to finally.”
** Get rid of the word “Warning.” That is a cheap – and frankly pretty amateurish – way of trying to be clever. I interpret it to mean, “Warning, I am about to stick my hand into your wallet.” Instead, say something like:
“Turn Your Passive Income Stream into a Raging River
with these Amazing New Niche AdSense Themes”
And replace the bookkeeper line with something like:
Google Will Love You for it – and So Will Your Spouse!
Anyway, for what it’s worth.
Best of luck!
Dave Tishendorf
@Shane — Dude. Thanks. That’s a great idea. Great to see you man.
@Scott — thanks for the comments. I have very thick skin. I fully admit that I do not know much about copy writing and I am trying to learn on the job. All helpful commentary is completely welcome. Bring it on!
@Dave — Thank you so much. I will incorporate your comments into my testing. Dave — a question for you. How many impressions per test do you think are needed to really get an answer when you are testing headlines?
@Joe — Makes perfect sense. Thanks, man.
All — I’d like to extend an invitation to professional copywriters.
If anyone would like to write a guest post critiquing my sales copy while showcasing their skills and promoting their own copy writing business (or product), please send me an email. I can accept a couple of posts (possibly more).
I would be looking for a post that teaches something to my readers
1. A critique of the sales letter (brief or detailed).
2. Recommended testing action for me to take to improve the sales letter.
Also, I would expect you to include
3. Self promotion (why are you qualified).
4. Call to action to one of your own products or sites
5. A do-follow backlink or two
I will promote the post to my list….
Any takers?
(Hint to Joe — video is allowed).
Thanks,
Mark
Wow – one could take these critiques and make an e-book out of ’em! I ditto those that say I like the graphics in the second one better. I liked the phrase “Not your Daddy’s WP themes” or something like that – which I think you took out – but that’s just me.
Mark,
For your next sales letter you might want to use Head Copy to get example headlines to use:
You can see it here: Head Copy
Worst case – you will laugh at some of the headlines 🙂
cheers
Tony